I have been batteling depression for more than half my life now…… 

Hard to say what made me a depressed person but i am thinking it stemmed from hormnes as a young teen. That is when manic behavior and other symptoms came in. I did not get diagnosed with it until i was in my earlier 20's and by that point i was a shut in and a wreck.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Terrible combination. but then i Got on the right path working with my doctors, taking different drugs and found one that seemed to work. It got me through pregnancy and post partum with my first child. That time i was on zoloft.

Recently i had noticed i was slipping a little. My doctor said that I possibly had post partum from my second born still. I totally agree. Plus I had had something real bad happen to me when i was pregnant which set off the depression. I was starting to go downhill..

With the doctor helping me out i have now been starting the drug therapy. I am not the type to go to a therapist because i know what needs to be done, i know how to correct it. 

Ayways I got a script for effexor 75 mg. I was going to cry because i had to be on the drugs again and i hate pills. But its all for the better. I was shocked at the price. 50$ out of pocket after insurance. Now i know we can afford that but that is a lot of money for anyone to be paying. I then imagine our budget 6 or 7 years ago. we would have not been able to eat. But those were rough times.

Then I almost cried again when i had seen the whole page of warnings and side effects. I hate that .. you sacrifice comfort for happiness. i was scared to take the pills. I did not want to, but that is the panic. you are afraid. of everything almost.

I took the first pill last night. I do not know if it is a placebo effect i am having for the first pill or not because they say that it will be weeks before you feel anything, but so far here is how it went for me.

took the pill

couple hours later i felt  real tired and fell asleep early.

Woke up at 1 with a little headache at 1 am

could not get back to sleep, but did at 2:30 am 

woke yp at 4:30 am and the alarm went off at 5:30.

i was up and around. but i have the weirded sensation. My head is swimming yet i can focus. My eyes are not able to stay still and focus.

I have issues with my drive to cook and clean like i have done so many days before. Right now i cn care less if the house is clean. (well it is clean but not SPOTLESS)

I do  not feel so obsessive compulsive to adjust the blinds because a slat would be out of place.

It did not seem like a struggle with the kids this morning. 

I was tired and tried to nap but could only get a 15 min nap.

I do not feel like eating that much. I used to take tots of comfort in food but now i have just remembered that all i have to eat today so far was an apple and a handful of dry cereal.  

I felt warm all day, somewhat jittery.

But as for emotions. I am here. not real happy but happier at a steady level then my usual days. not sad. I even tried to think about the sad things that have happened to me recently and they seem to not make me cry.. I tried it too with the things that make me angry. 

I actually played more with my little one today, and enjoyed it more than yesterday.

i will keep everyone posted on this. 

I found something that is a little bit cool, a little bit crafty and a little bit of recycling.

It is shrinky dinks! apparently you do not have to run to your local craft store for these! you can just reuse some plastics you might have on hand that you were going to throw out!

I am so excited for this because i used to play with these when younger, but now i am older i can think of other applications but i am too cheap to buy things for crafting. So here is a little tutorial from chrisjob at curbly.com  

I have a love of roughing it sometimes.. SOMETIMES!  When it comes to camping i have recently fell out of love of roughing it because no one else likes to be in the same misery. ERR i mean "rustic camp sight"

I was a girl scout for a long time and always was thought many different survival and wilderness things but NEVER got to use them. SO  when i was a child i dreamed of really roughing it. Making use of the things nature provided. and a lot of those things can be worked into our lives to save a few bucks here and there around the house. simple things can be done like hanging the laundry out to dry instead of a dryer, growing your own fruits and veggies and other little things. I have came upon one i want to try. It would be good for camping and for around the house, but i cannot think weather or not it would be good to save money.. It sure would be neat to try it out.

It is how to build your own solar cooker.

How awesome would that be to have something to cook on that does not require the use of any gas tanks while camping.. Just click the picture for the information..

This last Saturday we went to Grand haven with the two boys. We had to hold out on the trip because of the rain and what was going to be an entire day of light houses and sightseeing became a trip to spend a few hours on the beach of lake michigan because we wanted our oldest to be on his first real big beach. We had told him about going to one and he was excited so we were on a mission. We drove to Grand haven and only had a few house until we had to leave and get them home for bed. We got there and walked the pier. He seemed to be petrafied of the edge but had fun because it was new. He loved the water. we had lots of fun. As for the city of Grand haven, it looks nice. It seems to have lots of boats and cute little shops. We wished we could have seen more but as for having two YOUNG boys, we cannot do much of the things that would bore them .. That is what Monday through Friday are for

Here are some of my pics I got.

I have been recently looking at the old navy styles that are on their website fgor the fall. I am impressed! There seems to be some pretty decent things out now that do not show a lot of indecent things. We have all lived through the Paris hilton miniskirts, the clevage showing tops, and the belly showing mini t's and I was sick of it. As much as we would like to preach to our children "it does not matter what you look like on the outside, it is the inside that counts" But what you wear makes you what is you. If you want to be unique, be prepared to qbe treated different, if you want to dress sexy, be prepared to be treated like an object.  In real life you cannot go into an interview wearing a miniskirt or have your hair dyed purple and be taken seriously. If you dress that way, expect to be treated differently than the person who wears the buisness suit and tie.

We need to tell our oversexed teens too to tone it down. The girls were showing way too much skin. what is a guy going to want from you on a first date? You have already shown him everything you have.  Lets get back to basics, get back to certain expectations. I believe when you walk into a room, your clothing says a lot about you and also says to other people in a non verbal way if oyu respect them or not. This is why we wear sunday best to church, this is why we cover our feet at the white house. People have just lost their way and the distorted idiots in the fashion industry who thrive on shock value and pretentious art have lowered our society standard on dress.. all for money.

But when i see a refreshing sight like the old navy trapeze and the jumper dresses, it makes me think there is hope for these girls to cover up. Providing there is a sweater to go over the shoulders on the trapeze dresses and there is undershorts and tights for the jumper.

Trapeze dress from old navy