After a long break from blogging I am finally back in the swing of things. Well, almost. I had first had issues with the Effexor for my depression. I had nasty side effects and then absolwutely no drive to do ANYTHING!. NOw with the side effects pretty much under control I thought i should get back to my daily duities. With a semi clean desk and a mind full of projects I will try to post at least once a day.

Things that I have done on my leave.

We went to the Roscommon, Mi fireman's memorial. We camped out there and had great fun. I thank all of my friends for their company. We had a riot. And i thank Casey and eric for all the work they had put into the wonderful food. Yumm.. casey's cookies sound so good right now.

Then My oldest son started preschool. he seems to like it lots.

This last weekend was the Ovid carriage days. I did not get to enjoy it much because i threw out my back on saturday playing softball. Our team lost but we had lots of fun.

Other than that my days have consisted of trying to keep the family on budget with money saving ideas which will be in another entry. And as a little tidbit we saved 70$ off of our electric bill. I will mention how in another entry.

Hope I did not disappoint by not keeping up on the blogging.

Hate mail will be accepted :) 

I have taken my third pill of Effexor last night. This is the third night where iaid in bed for hours unable to slee. I will be calling the doc and pharmacy today, actually i am waiting to have the nurse at the office call me back (will update on that)

So i am tired and unable to sleep. Unable to focus my eyes from either a dizzy feeling or lack of eye muscle. But i am able to concentrate wonderfully! I am also a general happy. I did get angry last night at something.. Twice. I did not cry about it tho. I said my peace and had resolution instead of getting upset and holding grudge for the next week. Sad things come but they go away so fast emotionally. I am able to handle the kids with a straight mind. but i still feel like i am encased in a limbo from the dizzy feeling. I had some blood pressure issues. Typically i run low around 110/70 ISH. today after my run i went all the way up to 174/103 but i really pushed myself in the mile run.

We will see what is to be said about all of this. I still think it is odd that I have taken to this medicine and it was on the first day i felt effects. ODD? 

I have been batteling depression for more than half my life now…… 

Hard to say what made me a depressed person but i am thinking it stemmed from hormnes as a young teen. That is when manic behavior and other symptoms came in. I did not get diagnosed with it until i was in my earlier 20's and by that point i was a shut in and a wreck.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Terrible combination. but then i Got on the right path working with my doctors, taking different drugs and found one that seemed to work. It got me through pregnancy and post partum with my first child. That time i was on zoloft.

Recently i had noticed i was slipping a little. My doctor said that I possibly had post partum from my second born still. I totally agree. Plus I had had something real bad happen to me when i was pregnant which set off the depression. I was starting to go downhill..

With the doctor helping me out i have now been starting the drug therapy. I am not the type to go to a therapist because i know what needs to be done, i know how to correct it. 

Ayways I got a script for effexor 75 mg. I was going to cry because i had to be on the drugs again and i hate pills. But its all for the better. I was shocked at the price. 50$ out of pocket after insurance. Now i know we can afford that but that is a lot of money for anyone to be paying. I then imagine our budget 6 or 7 years ago. we would have not been able to eat. But those were rough times.

Then I almost cried again when i had seen the whole page of warnings and side effects. I hate that .. you sacrifice comfort for happiness. i was scared to take the pills. I did not want to, but that is the panic. you are afraid. of everything almost.

I took the first pill last night. I do not know if it is a placebo effect i am having for the first pill or not because they say that it will be weeks before you feel anything, but so far here is how it went for me.

took the pill

couple hours later i felt  real tired and fell asleep early.

Woke up at 1 with a little headache at 1 am

could not get back to sleep, but did at 2:30 am 

woke yp at 4:30 am and the alarm went off at 5:30.

i was up and around. but i have the weirded sensation. My head is swimming yet i can focus. My eyes are not able to stay still and focus.

I have issues with my drive to cook and clean like i have done so many days before. Right now i cn care less if the house is clean. (well it is clean but not SPOTLESS)

I do  not feel so obsessive compulsive to adjust the blinds because a slat would be out of place.

It did not seem like a struggle with the kids this morning. 

I was tired and tried to nap but could only get a 15 min nap.

I do not feel like eating that much. I used to take tots of comfort in food but now i have just remembered that all i have to eat today so far was an apple and a handful of dry cereal.  

I felt warm all day, somewhat jittery.

But as for emotions. I am here. not real happy but happier at a steady level then my usual days. not sad. I even tried to think about the sad things that have happened to me recently and they seem to not make me cry.. I tried it too with the things that make me angry. 

I actually played more with my little one today, and enjoyed it more than yesterday.

i will keep everyone posted on this.